Ladies, can we all be REAL for one second? I think almost all of us have been “stuck on stupid” with a guy who wasn’t necessarily the besttt person for us. For those females that won’t openly admit to being in this predicament, just think about “a friend that was stuck” on the worst possible guy for her. Some of you may still be committed to a guy that means you no good, but that is tea for another day. The perplexing thing is that we often times know good and well the reasons as to WHY Mr. Man is just not the one. For those of you thinking about the relationship between “your friend” and her “no good man,” I’m sure you have been the source of her venting sessions so much so that you can list off every bad thing about him. More often than not, the question isn’t if we think our bad boy is good for us or not. Guys here is a public service announcement: Girls may play as if they are oblivious to a slew of things but do not be mistaken. You may consider her quietness on certain situations to be a sign of her being naive but I can assure you that most the time she is being observant and “playing dumb.” However, why would a girl play dumb and stick with a bad guy rather than taking up opportunity with the potentially good guy? I honestly believe there are more reasons than one but I will give you my top three reasons. If you are looking for “watered down”, censored explanations then I would suggest you end this blog read here. However, if you are puzzled as to why a girl would WILLINGLY stick with the bad guy then read on sister girl or lover boy.
FAMILIARITY – The unknown is always a scary thing and let’s face it, a bad relationship can drain you. Often times women find themselves not wanting to put in that energy to “start over and build” a new relationship. Sure, they know that Ray Ray ain’t no good but the fact is – they KNOW Ray Ray. There is history with her and that no good guy. She has grown comfortable with him, confided in him, she laughed with him, and may have went through tough times with him. In her mind, she may be thinking “what if I never find all of that again?” Fear of being alone or failing to find someone that provides the same chemistry may cause her to linger and stay in a safe place. Think about babies for a second. Before they learn how to walk, they scoot about and crawl. Taking a step is a HUGE ordeal to them. Sometimes babies even take a stand but end up standing in that same spot because they are so scared to move. They think, “what if I fall? They think “why do I have to walk if I am content with crawling to get around…Isn’t it the same thing?” That same mind frame is analogous with the girl that just won’t leave that one bad boy alone. There is a large fear of the unfamiliar.
AVOIDANCE – There are some girls that know they are dealing with a bad guy but the truth simply is too much to bear. Imagine a girl that has went back to a guy over and over after every lie that he told because he came up with a clever excuse or reason. Now consider her self-esteem for a second. Experiencing hurt after hurt can break a girl down so much that they may start to think that they are not even worth happiness. When other guys compliment her she may not even believe them because she no longer witnesses her own beauty. She may become so broken that she start to normalize his cheating behaviors. Ultimately, she may end up trying to avoid ANY parts of the truth because she desires his love but she doesn’t want to feel that hurt. She likes the parts about him that makes her feel good and so she ends up blocking out all the signs that says “RUN”.
BAD BOY vs GOOD GUY – In this point, I have to blame society a little. Having chivalry nowadays is labeled as being thirsty. A genuinely nice comment under a picture or a direct message saying a girl is beautiful is seen as “doing too much.” It drives a guy to be that laid back, player type of guy sometimes. Until a girl reaches a degree of maturity, she may label the good guy as “lame” or “weird” because he would rather get to know her mind than her body. A guy’s homeboys may clown him for always wanting to spend time with his girl but society has normalized a guy being a player. Numerous songs refer to girlfriends as some sort of “main chick” but not the “ONLY” chick. Now I’m not saying to blame songs for a girl’s lack to move on. Society does play have an influence on our thinking though. Think about it. However, if I ever have a daughter I will be sure to teach her what acceptable rather than let society is raise her.
And lastly…. “Good relations (physical relations) can keep a bad relationship going.” There is no need to explain this point.
All in all, it is never healthy for anyone to stay in a place that is not healthy for them. If you are unsure just ask yourself, “how does he benefit me? – how does he bring me joy? – what have his actions shown and NOT JUST HIS words?”
On that note, I am out. If you liked this read, leave a comment or share. #SIMPLYMEI