Frienemy (n): a person that pretends to be your friend but truly means you no good
Ever heard of the saying, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer?” What you probably didn’t know is that some of you are unconsciously and unknowingly mistaking friends for enemies. Now, this blog isn’t intended for you to call your best friend up and accuse him/her of being “fake” or “petty” behind your back. It also isn’t intended to ignite distrust in you for all people. I don’t need for you to go around screaming, “No new friends” like Drake or sing “me, myself, and I” like Beyoncé. In fact, if you know me personally then you know that I seldom find the “bad” in people. I try to see the best in everyone and be cordial to anyone I encounter. However, during my 23 year journey I have learned that everyone is not your friend and everyone does not mean you well. It’s life. When you are younger, it is hard to accept this concept. It is easy to want a “squad” to go party with, gossip with, eat dinner with, and simply chill with. Us humans like companionship.
As you get older you learn to distinguish between the associates that may or may not be there during those tough life situations versus those great friends that run to your aid without you even crying out for help—those great friends just know when something is wrong. However, it is not always easy to discern if a friend is not truly a friend. As I always say, these are just Mei’s thoughts. What do I know? I just blog. However, I have learned a few things and think the following may be a few signs to look out for:
1) Doesn’t support you: Ever wondered why strangers sometimes support you more than certain friends? It may be that those certain friends have a degree of hidden jealousy toward you. I am a firm believer that true friends support friends when they are doing successful things in life. (I.e. I have a model friend that I root for because I know her dreams paired with encouragement will take her far. I have a best friend that has the passion to pursue photography. I’m 100% behind her. I have a SISTER who has the dream of being a lawyer and perhaps starting her own organization one day – Hey Alisha! I know you WILL achieve everything you put your mind to.) The point I am trying to make is that true friend encourages you and motivates you. A true friend will want the best for you! A frienemy very seldom will tell you congratulations or offer warm words of encouragement because of their own insecurities or hidden desire to see you fail.
2) Constantly bring you back news of what’s being said about you: Ever had a friend that constantly tells you that someone said this or that about you? – The friend that is always bringing negative news. If you have a friend like this, I truly want you to sit and think. Ask yourself why this person is always present in a crowd that clearly has ill feelings toward you. The next time that friend brings you back news of negative things, don’t ask them what was being said. Ask that friend….”so, what did you say in my defense?”
3) Only seems to call in time of need/help: There will be times that you will have to catch the fallen tears from a friend. There will be times when your friend might need a hug, a comforting conversation, or in my case... friends that want some of the food you cooked yesterday (I love you guys so it’s okay). You are supposed to have each other’s backs in a friendship. HOWEVER, there is a limit. If you never ever hear from someone until they need you then that is not a reciprocal relationship. Yes, you are supposed to be able to give to a friendship but you should get the same support in return. If you are not getting that same love in return, then you may want to ask yourself are you being used. Do not let a frienemy deplete and drain you mentally.
Now you don’t have to see these signs and completely drop a friend immediately. I encourage you to have a sit down with this person and just be brutally honest if you suspect that he/she is a frienemy. Use “I” sentences and explain to them how you see things. Let them know how different things are upsetting you and provide ways that you feel would improve the friendship. No one is perfect and even friendships take work. If you haven’t learned by now, friends even argue from time to time. NEWSFLASH!
What is the difference between a friend and frienemy?
A friend will care enough to try to make the necessary changes to maintain the bond. True friendships are forever. Frienemies? Well, my mom may have said it best. There ain’t no future in frontin’! While her motto is grammatically incorrect, it is the 100% truth. You cannot pretend for too long. True colors will ultimately show. A frienemy will not care about you enough to support you in your times of need or applaud your triumphs. A frienemy definitely won’t care enough to make changes to better the friendship either… but I’m just a blogger.
Until next time, before keeping friends close and enemies closer, learn the difference. #simplymei