(…and yes you did read the title correctly)
Perhaps you start unconsciously singing Boosie’s song anytime you are asked to spell out the word independent.
If you are more in tune with your poetic side, you may have heard of Shakespeare’s advice urging a person to be true to “thine own self.” This perfectly explains the independent woman who knows who she is and what she wants out of life.
However, is dating an independent woman as glorious as it seems? Throughout history and across many different cultures, Independent woman are often praised. For instance, women of the Chambri culture are noted and praised for being the sole suppliers for their families. Even though independent women are praised from afar, what are their love lives truly like? A blog subscriber posed a great question which will be today’s topic. Some of you ladies reading may relate. Some men will learn something today, but again, I am only a blogger. What do I know? I just blog my opinions. If you are curious for my response to the question, “Is being an independent woman a turn on or turn off?” then read on my friend.
You probably read the title and thought that I made some type of typo. I couldn’t have possibly implied that it takes a strong man to be with a strong woman, could I?. Very often do we hear that “behind every strong man is a strong woman.” Seldom do we consider what’s behind the “strong woman.” What makes her a strong woman? Who is behind her if she is behind the man?
In my opinion, I feel that love is a two way street and individuals must be equally yoked. Society often references the woman as an addition to the man. This implies that the man is already whole but that he needs that woman to keep him grounded and running smoothly. I do not argue with how valuable a strong woman can be to the man. She can keep him grounded and running smoothly. A strong woman will do things like inspire the man to reach his full potential because she has the “I can conquer the world” attitude. However, how valuable can a weak man be for a strong woman? It takes a strong man to be supportive of his strong woman as well. Let me reiterate that again. IT TAKES A STRONG MAN TO BE WITH A STRONG WOMAN. So, is being an independent woman a turn on or turn off? It is a turn on to the man that is secure enough with himself to know that an independent woman will love him but still have her own life/identity. This man has to be strong in his sense of self-identity, strong in his confidence in being a man for her, strong in his trust in her loyalty when they are not together, strong in his selfless motivation for her to pursue her dreams, and more. A man is not “bad” if he is not equipped to handle a strong woman. He is just simply NOT for her—the independent woman.
When determining if a independent woman is a turn on or turn off, a man needs to consider a lot. Just a few things to consider would be:
She needs a different kind of love – It may be fair to say that all women like to feel appreciated and loved. Some females may like to see this love displayed through gifts. Other females may like for this love to be displayed in the form of actions. Independent woman usually have their quote on quote “needs” together already. In other words she may very well have her own house, own money, own car, and so forth. Therefore, she is not necessarily looking for a man to “pay her bills” as an act of his love. Sure, she may still like gifts and monetary things just as another female might but she craves a different kind of love. The independent woman craves time. There is no price you can’t put on time in her mind. Time allows the independent woman a break away from her very busy life of priorities. She needs a gentle lover. At times she may not know how to accept love because she struggles with being vulnerable and not being in control. With that being said, she needs a love that is understanding and knows that she may need space sometimes. Men, you may have to learn how to respect her boundaries when she tells you she needs to be left alone for a moment. However, she also needs a love that includes spending time with her to let her know she isn’t alone anymore and that it is okay to let her guard down. When an independent woman finally lets her guard down, you witness one of the strongest ties of love and loyalty men. It is truly about finding a balance when loving a strong woman.
She may show love differently – If you are the type of man that likes a clingy woman and craves for public displays of affection, then an independent woman may not be for you. Now, I am not say that an independent woman is incapable of being affectionate. What I am saying is that most independent woman have lives outside of just their relationship. Men, she will not always be under you 24/7 but this does not mean she is not thinking about you. An independent woman may do things like try to find out what your goals are in life and then find ways to help you accomplish them. She may call you during the day just to make sure you are doing okay. Her love may not always be as affectionate and “touchy feely”, but that does not mean it isn’t strong. In fact, the independent woman is a master at being thoughtful when she shows her love.
She knows her worth – Sometimes you may mistake a strong woman being firm on certain things as being rude. Know that most independent woman are not bitter, “men-hating” females. They desire human companionship just like the next female. However, circumstances in her life may have forced her to gain some strength along life’s journey. At some point during the journey, the strong minded woman learned what she would stand for and what she wouldn’t stand for again. In other words, this woman knows that she does have great self-worth. Don’t let this intimidate you men. An independent woman is still fully capable of being loving but it something about this type of female that knows what she wants. She will not allow anything into her life that is below what she thinks she deserves.
I hope that you have taken something from this post be it female or male. You can be a strong person and have a loving relationship too. Never compromise your standards because you feel like you are “too much” for someone to handle. You are the right one for the right person.
Until next time with #simplymei ….