You’re ready to spread your own wings, huh?
You’ve endured many lectures over the years from your mom and/or dad. They have set a record of calling you a million times in a three minute time span. They have cried when you took your first step, graduated kindergarten, and even cried when you had your first sleep over away from home. In fact, it was your parents who called all of your friends’ parents to ensure they were “good, upstanding people”. You’ve enjoyed being in the nest of your mom’s and/or dad’s love, but you finally believe it is time for you to spread your wings. You are ready to pay your own rent in your own casa, drive your car wherever you want to go, establish friendships with whoever you see fit, stay out until the sunrise if you please, or even just plain leave dishes in the kitchen sink for more than a day without any fuss. There’s just one problem that is stopping you:
As children, we do not always understand why our parents act in such a possessive manner. It is hard to understand why our parents constantly worry themselves over us when, in our minds, we give them no reason to behave that way. It is also perplexing when our parents cry “tears of joy” not only during our times of joyous accomplishments but over things we consider minor such as going shopping alone. As overbearing, bothersome, and annoying as overprotective parenting can be, should you one day become a parent you will see that their intentions are not to control or ruin your life. Sure, you are growing up in a different generation and you think“parents just don’t understand”. Guess what? Should you ever have kids one day, you will be in the same boat of parents that “just don’t understand”. If you already have kids, then I’m sure it shocks you when you treat your child similarly to how your parents treated you. The fact of the matter is that a generation difference does not matter. Parents will be parents. However if you feel that your parent(s) needs to cut the umbilical cord and allow you the freedom to grow as an adult then I would suggest you make note of a few things:
Picking and Choosing: Consistency is definitely key when you are trying to assert yourself as an adult. If you are looking for your parents to respect you as an adult, you must make it a point to consistently present yourself as such. What exactly do I mean? For example, you can’t boast that you are grown because you have your own house and drive your own car, if you are constantly asking your parents for car payment or rent money monthly. Don’t get me wrong. Your parents know that you will still need them from time to time as an adult. It is okay to reach out to them in those tough circumstances. There is nothing wrong with receiving love from your parents at any age and there should be no shame when parents willingly offer assistance. Personally, I still like to receive gifts from my mom. However there is a huge difference between occasionally asking for help versus expecting help whenever you please. As a child, it is expected that you may still need nurturing from your parents in order to grow into a self sufficient adult. However, when you make claims that you are an adult, be conscious of what you are implying. As an adult, you accept a new role that calls for you to be responsible, accountable, and mature. Adults will always be “a baby” in their parents’ eyes. Again, adults may still reach out to their parents for many things and that is okay. However, adults do not solely depend on their parents to provide all of their needs. Freedom can be enticing. It is one of the driving reasons for an individual to have the desire to be an adult. However, be careful not to pick and choose when you want to be an adult. Don’t rush into adulthood if you are not ready.
2. Love is the Root: One of the most important things to understand about overprotective parents is that their motives are typically stemming from a place of care. Once you understand that they are not being mean and overprotective on purpose, you will learn to better appreciate them. You have to remember that you are your parents’ treasured gift. One of the many jobs of a parent is to protect you from the world. Believe it or not, your parents have a lot of experiences under their belt that they do not want you experiencing the hard way (for yourself). Operating under the “been there, done that” mindset, parents are driven to protect their children. Try not to hold this against your own parents. Understand that being protective is often an unconscious act of a parents’ love. Parents know that you will soon reach adulthood one day. Try to be patient as they learn how to loosen up the strings of attachment.
3. Open Lines of Communication: It is true. Sometimes parents absolutely are too overbearing. Maybe you have asserted yourself, remained consistent, and proved that you truly are a responsible adult. Instead of getting into heated arguments, sit your parents down. Open up the conversation with gratitude. Never forget that caring parents are a blessing to have. Everyone is not as fortunate. Let them know that you do appreciate their concern and care. Once you have thanked them, proceed with the conversation by letting them know how you would like to grow as an adult. Having written notes of the points you want to elaborate on in hand may help guide the conversation. Also, don’t be afraid to ask your parents about what concerns them. Be sure to listen. A healthy, open conversation with your parents is more effective than defending your adulthood through arguments. You will be amazed at how this conversation will benefit you all.
Now, I am just a blogger. What do I know? However, if you like blogs from Simply Mei then be sure to leave your comments on the blog’s website, like the Facebook page (Simply Mei), shoot me an email or just stay tuned for the next post. :) Until next time, keep on simply... being you!