“Hey Meish ! So for my first topic suggestion - - I know it's gonna sound crazy but the topic is: asking women about their body count . Men do it all the time and I think it's childish. Why men shouldn't ask women about body count ? : -Psychological reasons such as making a woman feel self conscious -It closes personal doors between you and her (alerts her to build a wall because you may be judgmental in the future). It has Nothing to do with shame. Regardless of 2 bodies or 100 men will try anyway so WHY ASK ?.. And to say "I want to know what I'm getting into" isn't acceptable because what's the cut off number ? I don’t think there is one. Again, they'll still try ! Signed - Don't ask my body count if you want a relationship to continue.”
-Anonymous SimplyMei Subscriber
What’s up Anonymous? Hey, listen. Thank you for being courageous enough to ask a very real and relatable question. Your authenticity is the very reason why I, SimplyMei, am excited to write on this topic: body count.
*que the oooo’s and ahhh’s*
Honey, you’re not the first female to be offended by the, “so, how many partners have you had sexual relations with before me?” question. Right now, you’re probably thinking a multitude of things:
Is he suggesting that I have a promiscuous past?
Is he going to judge me if I reply honestly?
Is he using this information to categorize me; wifey vs. being just a friend with benefits?
Why is he asking me and I didn’t even question his body count?
I wonder if he knows that he’s about to get cut off ALREADY…
The Good News Is
That there IS a way to healthily respond to this all too familiar question by following SimplyMei’s T.A.L.K. method.
The Bad News Is
That yes, you (those who do not like to read) will have read this post in its entirety to figure out what the T.A.L.K. method is all about.
Cheer up, kid. I promise it is worth the read.
Let’s just jump right in. Follow SimplyMei’s 4 easy steps to learn how to keep your cool the next time you are asked, “how many?” :
1.Take time to woosah:
At this point, you are probably ready to end the conversation - - but is shutting down every time you are asked a question you don’t like really a healthy solution? True, you may want to slap him too -- but is catching a charge worth it? (violence isn’t the answer Queens)
You are raging with emotion right now. It is best to take time to breathe, cool down, and gather your composure. Steer away from immediate responses. Immediate responses are usually filled with too much emotion and not enough thoughtfulness.
2. Ask him questions:
Now that you have cooled down, ask him what is REALLY on your mind. Be careful not to assume that he was trying to attack you just because he asked a question. Face it women; We over-analyze things sometimes.
ie. How will this answer affect our relationship? What is your purpose for asking?
Side Note: Keep in mind that if you to plan on “having relations” then knowing some history is a huge deal. Let’s get away from emotion for a second and talk health. While asking for a body count number may be touchy, a partner does have the right to know your current status (STD purposes). Applaud a man that takes his health seriously enough to be sure he knows the person he chooses to have relations with
3.Let him know how you’re REALLY feeling:
No offense to any men reading, but sometimes the male species just don’t think like us women. We may be offended and he may innocently not know why or understand the gravity of his comments/questions. He may genuinely be lost and think, “it wasn’t that deep.”
If you’re feeling self-conscious or angry, here’s a good time to let him know. Be sure to observe his reaction. EVERYTHING is in his reaction. See if he blows you off or if he truly tries to understand your point.
4.Keep your value:
By this point, you have kept an open mind and listened to him. He has also listened to you. Use the discussion and your observations to help you decide if answering the question isn’t that big of a deal OR if answering it is not worth your time.
Wrapping Up With SimplyMei
In life, you cannot control the actions of others -- yes even being asked those annoying and embarrassing questions. The only thing you have control over is YOUR RESPONSE. Don’t feel obligated to respond to every question, but also don’t be so quick to jump into defense mode every time also.
There are some people that truly want to get to know you for you. Crazy, I know. [ I kid, I kid ]
I hope you’ve enjoyed T.A.L.K. - ing it out with Mei! Even if you differ in opinion, thanks for listening to mine.
Your Go: Tell me about a time when you were asked, “what’s your body count?” In what ways did you respond? Let me know here on the Simply Mei facebook page.
But what do I know…
I’m just a blogger that writes down her opinions. Until next time with #SimplyMei…
If you like anything you have read or would like to make a comment, feel more than welcome to do so! Private thoughts or comments? Email SimplyMei: email@example.com . You may also share blog posts to all of your friends on your social media outlets and tag SimplyMei. Find SimplyMei on:
Facebook: Like Page “Simply Mei”