I'm In a Committed Relationship With a Single Wo(Man)
WARNING THE FOLLOWING CONTENT MAY CONTAIN ELEMENTS THAT ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR SOME AUDIENCES, such as:
Those that don’t like the truth.
Those that don’t like the real.
Those that don’t like the ugly.
Heard It All Before…
“I want to be with you, but there are some things I have to work on before we can be really be official” Hey. There may actually be some validity to this. Maybe your partner truly wants to develop the traits and qualities that’ll make him/her more suitable for a relationship… or Maybe he/she is feeding you what you want to hear to keep a “situationship” thriving.
“I like the feeling of knowing that everybody wants you, but only I can have you. At the end of the day I know who you’re coming home to” What’s wrong with someone being proud to have you? Maybe your partner really is excited to be with you - - the person that “everyone wants” … or Maybe this is a tactic to keep you in limbo. Hearing things like this may have you feeling so good and wanted that YOU take YOURSELF off the market, but what if your partner has no intentions on sealing the deal with you?
(months or years into dating) “I really like you and want this forever, but I’m still not ready to put it out there to the world yet” Contrary to popular belief, there are some people that truly do value privacy. I know people that don’t even post pictures of their children much because they value privacy of their intimate life so much. So maybe your partner is a little on the reserved side…or Maybe your partner purposely wants to appear single to keep the “window of opportunity” open. (sidekicks be lurking you know)
“You have your own friends. I have mine. You can go out with them and do your thing and we can hang out later” (this is said to you on a regular basis) It is not uncommon for a partner to still want to maintain a sense of individuality. Sometimes people can lose the essence of who they are when they get into a relationship. Your partner may still want you to have a life too…or Maybe your partner is encouraging you to go out so much alone because he/she doesn’t want you to CHECK THEM when they’re out doing their own thing - - ignoring your phone calls and such.
If It Looks Like a Duck, Swims Like a Duck, And Quacks Like a Duck…
Listen Linda, I could go on all day with the ambiguous sayings, but let’s cut right to the chase. The fact of the matter is that we live in a generation where there’s a whole lot of SINGLE people in relationships. Yep. You read that right. There’s a lot of people, both men and women (thought you were off the hook, huh ladies?), that want the benefits of being in a relationship without the sacrifice that comes with being in a relationship. Oouuu come on somebody! I feel like I’m speaking directly to someone’s situation today.
When one person is fully invested into the relationship and the other person isn’t, it’s a problem. Being faithful, loyal, and committed to a person who has a single-person mentality is damaging. Well, maybe I can change him/her. He/She has never had anyone like me to show them what real love is before. No relationship is perfect. All we need is time and he/she will see come around. What we have is real. I mean it HAS to be something between us because he/she is hasn’t went anywhere yet. This is just one of those growing relationship pains.
You can be the MVP boyfriend or girlfriend of the year. You can have the most money. You can have the nicest car. You can have the nicest body. You can be the most loyal of the loyal. The bottom line is, there is nothing YOU can do (or possess) that will make a person with a single-person mentality change. Someone with a single-person mentality lacks the ability to truly appreciate a partner’s value. This kind of person has to WANT to make a shift in their mindset- -ON THEIR OWN. In other words, you can go out of your way to be everything and more but a person with a single-person mentality may still take it for granted because he/she is too self-centered.
As a blogger that just cares a lot, I want to help you safeguard your emotions, protect your peace, and save your energy.
Run Sis/Get Out Bro!
There is a difference between being patient and wasting your time. So, how can you tell if you’re in a relationship with a single wo(man)? Read on as I, SimplyMei, share with you some signs that may be worth considering:
***Please note: Relationship dynamics vary couple to couple. Signs may not be applicable to everyone. YOU know your partner BEST.***
1. Lack of Regard for You: Whew! You just planned ANOTHER date with your partner only to find out that he/she cancelled AGAIN to hang out with friends. When you asked your significant other about the date cancellation, he/she claimed they forgot about it and brushed it off like it wasn’t that big of a deal - - only it actually was a pretty big deal to you. Honestly, it seems like everything “slips his/her mind” when it comes to you.
Now I’m not saying break up with your partner because he/she is forgetful sometimes. It happens and nobody is perfect. However, don’t beat yourself up for wanting to feel wanted and appreciated in the relationship. You deserve that. If your partner has a pattern of ONLY making time for you when it convenient for them, then it’s time to have a conversation. There’s no way around it. When you’re in a relationship, you have to consider your partner’s feelings. You can no longer do everything that you used to do when you were single. If your partner is still hanging out all day and night with friends, going a day(s) without communicating with you, being overly flirtatious with other girls/boys, overstepping relationship boundaries, and displaying more “single behaviors” then it may be possible that this person has no regard for your feelings. Maybe your partner is not ready for a relationship.
2. Dismissive Communication: You haven’t heard from your partner all day, so you begin to get a little worried. Out of concern, you call a few times to see where your partner is and if he/she is okay. He/She finally answers the phone but instead of telling you his/her location (or just easing your worries), they meet you with, “Stop trying to keep tabs on me. I don't like that”.
I don’t endorse stalking your significant other. If you feel like you need to constantly track your partner’s every move, then you need to check your trust. Do you really want to be with someone that you have to constantly worry about? However, check-ins and updates are a normal part of relationships. Giving your partner a heads up that you’re going out with friends or seeing how your partner’s day is going are but a few examples of relationship normalcy. If your partner has an over the top reaction whenever you ask him/her something, this may be a red flag. Some people with a single-person mentality will use reverse psychology to make you seem like a nag just because they don’t want to disclose their whereabouts. If he/she is constantly dismissive and doesn’t want you to know about their day-to-day happenings, personal life, and more - - you may be in a relationship with a single person.
3. Everything is separate: You have been dating your significant other for some months now and you think it time to meet his/her family and friends. Yet, every time you bring up the conversation it is swept under the rug. “You will meet them one day. Just chill”.
A person that still has a single-person mentality may purposely keep their partner separate from everything. It is possible that you are not being introduced to family and friends because your partner does not truly see a future with you. You may be separated from the “persona” that your partner portrays on social media because he/she still wants to maintain a single lifestyle. Even being separated from plans that your partner makes can be a red flag. Granted, you may not get an invite every time your significant other wants to hang with friends. However, if you can’t even be your partner’s date to dinners, movies, weddings, and so forth every now & again maybe it’s time to ask yourself: Am I in a relationship with a single wo(man)? Listen I am all for people in relationships still having their own goals, friends, and ventures. Sometimes we just need our girl/guy time and independence can be healthy. However, if you feel deliberately excluded constantly then by all means check it and talk about it!
Wrapping Up With SimplyMei
In a meaningful relationship filled with true love, you should naturally have the desire to make your partner feel appreciated, loved, and honored. However, reciprocity is a major key. Are you receiving the same appreciation and love that you are dishing out? Is the relationship mutually beneficial or is your partner doing much more “taking” than “giving”? A partner with the single-person mentality tends to make you feel like more of a convenience and less like a significant person in their life. Feeling like a “convenience” can wear on your self-esteem and confidence without you even realizing it. There are some things worth compromising but your happiness shouldn’t be one. If that boy or girl really loves you, then I promise you they will make the necessary adjustments to be with you - - not because you made them, but because he/she WANTS to do so. Let it go. I know. It’s hard.
If he/she comes back a TRULY changed woman or man, then hey, letting it go will prove to have been worth it after all.
… but if by chance things never work out again, then congratulations! You dodged a bullet and didn’t waste your time on a relationship headed to Nowheresville.
But what do I know…
I’m just a blogger that writes down her opinions. Until next time with #SimplyMei…
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