At first, being single was terrifying! I hated the thought of having to go places by myself and seeing couples hugged up on each other, to see my friends in relationships, and to even not have plans on the weekend unless I'm third wheeling. I was becoming jealous of what others had, and searching for love in all the wrong places that I was falling for the words of what some dude may have been saying.
Now, I've been in very short-term relationships over the years but they never lasted longer than 3 months, so to me that's not considered a relationship but a waste of time! I'm definitely one of those people who hate wasting time on something I knew would not work so I knew it had to change, I had to change.
It took me 4 years to realize that I was not alone and to understand that I had a relationship with God and that was enough. The individuals I thought I needed to fill that void of love and acceptance for me was still going to do absolutely nothing for me. The void can only be filled with my relationship with God and what I could bring to my own table. To work on loving and dating myself first is like trying to learn how to ride a bike. You become fearful of what you may encounter along the way, and who you may find underneath all of that baggage.
I've learned with dealing with so many messed up dudes in the past that my sanity and respect is much more important. I had to get to a point where I was tired of being used, not properly being love, not being taken seriously, and I was tired of ending up with the guys that never had a car or nothing going for themselves. So I knew it had to be something within myself. Over time it has definitely been one of my biggest challenges but now that I have a new foundation of confidence and respect for myself, it's easier. I'm in love with myself, and I've even found different ways to date myself (which I've found I'm a pretty simple chick). I've taken a vow to stay single until God sends me the one, and I've taken a vow of celibacy (something that definitely keeps me single because dudes hate hearing that word and just stop talking to me). It's never easy...but this journey is all worth it.
So ladies, if you single...don't be discouraged, feel out of the loop of not getting what everyone got, and definitely, don't stop loving yourself.
When the timing is right, you will know and your man will come when you least expect it.
Born and raised in Columbia, South Carolina, Shanavia recently graduated from the University of North Carolina-Charlotte with a Bachelor's in Communication Studies. She started blogging back in August 2018 and states "it's been such a wonderful experience ever since." She further states,
"As of right now, my blog is called, "Unsensored" but a name change is in the making. One of the biggest reasons, I started blogging was just to give myself an outlet; to get through post-graduation depression, and to have something I can call my own. Now that I've been blogging a little over 6 months now, I've been dedicated to encouraging individuals to be themselves-- To love yourself before you can love anyone else and how to try to stay on the straight and narrow when being a Christian in this generation."
Website Link: https://shanaviabates.com/